The FOOLISH adventures of Ichigo and Dracula
by LoRdOfFooliSHNESS
Summary: This is a FOOLISH story about shinigami, vampires and other stupid mythical beings
1. The Beginning of a FOOLISH Story

**Disclaimer:**  
I do not own Bleach or any characters form Bleach. They belong to Tite Kubo.

**Prologue:**

Once upon a time there was a stupid person called Tite Kubo. He was a manga writer but a very bad one and he was very poor and his family had thrown him away. He was thinking of creating a new manga but could not get any ideas. One fateful night when Kubo was drinking with his friends one of his friends accidentally drank bleach (I don't Know how the bleach got there :) ). The man began to throw up and shortly afterwards died. Then a foolish inspiration came to Kubo and he had a very stupid idea of creating a crazy manga called Bleach in which people after dieing become grim reapers who wield swords called shinigami and kill mask wearing psychos called hollows who have holes in them. He had also drank strawberry falvoured beer so he would name the protagonist Ichigo(which means strawberry in Japanese). And so the ungodly manga called Bleach was created. Also Ichigo will soon confront Dracula, but not now.

**Chapter 1:The Beginning of a FOOLISH Story**

Somewhere in Karakura town there was a freak of nature called Kurosaki Ichigo who had naturally bleached hair. The reason for his hair being orange was that he had bleached his hair before birth. When Ichigo was 9 years old he accidentally ate a radioactive strawberry which gave him super strawberry powers. 6 years later Ichigo is 15 years old but has the brain of a rotten half eaten strawberry. One stupid day Ichigo was walking down the street in the afternoon a few thugs committed an extremely horrible act. Ichigo knew he had to punish them because they HAD KNOCKED OVER A BOTTLE!

Ichigo kicks one of the thugs really hard

Thug 1:Hey what are you doing man!

Ichigo:WHY DID YOU KNOCK OVER THAT WONDERFUL BOTTLE!

Thug 2:Hey it was only a bottle you orange headed idiot!

Ichigo:I SAID WHY DID YOU KNOCK OVER THAT BOTTLE!

Thug 2:It was in our way

Ichigo:YOU KNOCKED OVER THE SACRED BOTTLE BECAUSE IT WAS IN YOUR WAY!YOU ALL MUST DIE!

Ichigo kicks the head off thug 2.

Thug 3:AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH(cries) you killed thug 2

Ichigo:Wait his name was thug 2?

Thug 1:Yes and now he's dead and he is gone forever!FOREVER!

Thug 3:You have ruined our thuggish friendship by killing him for knocking over a stupid bottle!

Ichigo:You dare mock the sacred bottle!That's it I am going to use my most powerful attack!

Ichigo takes out two strawberries.

Ichigo:ULTIMATE ATTACK!STRAWBERRY OF DEATH!

Ichigo throws the strawberries at the thugs. The strawberries go in to their mouths and explode.

Ichigo:That will teach them to knock over bottles!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ichigo laughs till it is midnight.

Ichigo:HAHAHAHAHAHA(looks at watch)*thinks*Hmmmm it is late I should stop laughing and go home

So Ichigo for the first time in his life very slightly uses his brain and goes home. When Ichigo opens the door to his house a extremely stupid looking man who resembles a pedophile jumps on him and kicks him in the head.

Pedo:IIIICHHHHHIIIIGOOOOOOO!

Ichigo:Hey what are you doing you ugly bastard!

Ichigo punches him in the face and knocks out some of his teeth.

Pedo:OUCH!Why did you punch me son!

Ichigo:Why did you kick me asshole!

Ichigo's pedo father:Because you came home late!

Ichigo:WHAT!You kicked me because I came home late you going to die you stupid BITCH!

Ichigo's pedo father:(begs and cries like an idiot)Sorry!I won't do it again!please don't kill me!

Ichigo:Okay but only if you give me 1000000 yen

Ichigo's pedo father:What thats a lot of money!

Ichigo:Thats it you're going to die

Ichigo's pedo father:Okay okay heres your dirty money(hands him the money)

Ichigo:Ahh thanks but I am going to kill you anyway

Ichigo's pedo father:Wait who's going to pay the bills if I am dead

Ichigo:Okay Isshin but from now on you will call me KING ICHIGO!

Isshin:Yes your majesty king Ichigo(kneels)

Ichigo:Hey I told you to call me KING ICHIGO not king Ichigo!

Isshin:OHHH in capital letters okay KING ICHIGO!(kneels again)

Ichigo:Okay you get to live for now. Now bring me some food knave!

Isshin:Yes your majesty!

Isshin brings Ichigo a meal fit for a king.

Ichigo:Hey(to author)you too will refer to me as KING ICHIGO!

Author:What!(in booming voice)SHUT UP OR I WILL REMOVE YOU FROM EXISTENCE

Ichigo:(cowers)Sorry, please forgive me

Author:all right but no more funny business, okay

Ichigo:Yes sir

Author:Hey where are your sisters?

Ichigo:Oh them i killed them!HAHAHAHA

Author:SHUT UP!

Ichigo:...

Author:Why did you kill them

Ichigo:Well you know the price of living has gone up so i killed them and sold their bodies to the black market

Author:Oh thank goodness I am glad to know that they did not go to waste, good work

Ichigo:Thank you

Author:Alright carry on with your foolishness

Ichigo:Oh yeah now where was I, oh yeah slave Isshin I am sleepy carry me to my bedroom!

Isshin:Yes your majesty KING ICHIGO!

Isshin carries his master on his back to his room.

**End of Chapter 1:**  
You will have to wait for chapter 2 to see what other FOOLISH thing happens.


	2. The Continuation of a FOOLISH Story

**Disclaimer:**  
I do not own Bleach or any characters form Bleach. They belong to Tite Kubo.

**Chapter 2:The Continuation of a FOOLISH Story**

On the previous chapter our brave hero Ichigo was riding a stupid hideous man (AKA Isshin Kurosaki) to his room. We now continue our story.

Ichigo:MUSH!(whips Isshin's ass)

Isshin:YEOUCH!(screams like an idiot)

Ichigo:Quickly get me into my room slave!

Isshin:Yes your majesty KING ICHIGO(goes faster)

Isshin drops Ichigo in his room.

Isshin:Will that be all master KING ICHIGO

Ichigo:NOOOO! I want you to do something for me

Isshin:What do you want me to do KING ICHIGO(bows)

Ichigo:I want you to dance in the street while wearing a dress

Isshin:WHHAAATTT!(scared)

Ichigo:DO IT OR ILL KILL YOU!

Isshin quickly gets a pink dress from some where and goes outside to dance all night long on the street.

Ichigo:Hmmmm now that he's gone I can get some rest(Ichigo lay on his bed)

Ichigo hears a strange noise; he gets up to see what it is. He sees a girl in a black kimono in his room. Ichigo used his mind and did the most logical thing he could think of in a situation like this. HE KICKED HER IN THE HEAD!

Girl:YEOUH!(falls down due to being kicked)

Ichigo:(opens the lights)Hey what are you doing in my room bitch!

Girl:(looks surprised)HUH? You can see me?

Ichigo:Of course i can see you do I look blind to you?

Girl:Hmmmm(thinks)

Ichigo:Don't ignore me who are you anyway? Tell me or I'll use my strawberry powers on you!

Girl:Strawberry powers?

Ichigo:Yes I'll turn you into strawberry milkshake!HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Girl:Okay stop laughing and I'll tell you who I am

Ichigo:(ignores her)HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Girl:HEY! don't you want to know who I am?

Ichigo:(stops laughing)Oh yes tell me who you are

Girl:My name is Kuchiki Rukia and(in creepy voice)I AM A DEATH GOD!

Ichigo:Yeah right and I am Santa clause

Rukia:Hey I really am a death god and I am 150 years old

Ichigo:WHAT! youre making no sense are you drunk or something

Rukia:NO! And why did you kick me?

Ichigo:That was the Kurosaki way of greeting others

Rukia:A kick to the head is a greeting?

Ichigo:Yes a very kind greeting now get lost you stupid midget or I'll KILL YOU!

Rukia:Listen you stupid idiot a hollow is after you

Ichigo:A hollow?

Rukia:Yes they are beings who wear masks and have holes in them and they eat people and other stuff

Ichigo:(looks confused)HUH! Listen just get out of here!

Rukia:There is a hollow after you didn't tell you

Ichigo:Yeah yeah go tell your stupid hollow stories to someone else!

Rukia:This hollow is very dangerous it has destroyed a Pepsi factory

Ichigo:(looks shocked)WHAAAATTTT! Did a Pepsi factory really get destroyed!

Rukia:Yes

Ichigo:(still shocked)OOOHHH NOOOO! Those poor bottles how dare that monster destroy those bottles! Let's go Kukiki Nokia we must stop that hole monster before more innocent bottles lives are lost!

Rukia:It's Kuchiki Rukia and bottles are not alive you fool

Ichigo:Hey bottles are people too

Rukia:Whatever!(looks worried)HUH!

Ichigo:What?

Rukia:The hollow's coming here I can sense it

Ichigo:really?

Rukia:You should get your family to safety

Ichigo:Family? What in fucks name is that?

Rukia:(has a WTF look)You know the people you live with?

Ichigo:Ohh those don't worry I killed most of them and one is dancing on the street(looks proud)

Rukia:WHAT!(looks shocked)I saw a weird looking man dancing on the street

Ichigo:Ohh that was my father who is also my slave(still proud)

Rukia:Ummm okay we should get out of this house I think its outside

Suddenly the sound of a strange scream comes.

Ichigo:What was that?

Rukia:That was the hollow, its here!

Ichigo:It's outside OOOOH NOOO! I hope he didn't eat my father

Rukia:I thought you didn't care for him

Ichigo:(speaks with bravery)OF COURSE I DO! Who's going to pay the bills when he's dead I must save him (Goes outside)

Rukia:Hey wait(runs after him)

Outside is a strange fish like creature wearing a mask and has a hole in it's chest

Ichigo:Is that the Hole-O?

Rukia:Yes and its hollow

Hollow:(speaks like a gentleman and is wearing a monocle)Good afternoon my name is Fishhead and I've come to eat you(smiles)

Rukia:Run Ichigo he's after you

Ichigo:Hey I didn't tell you my name how did you know my name

Rukia:Quickly there is no time to explain run

Fishhead attacks Rukia. Rukia goes flying and hits a wall.

Fishhead:So sorry about that would you like to have some tea and biscuits after I eat you

Ichigo:(gets mad)Hey what are you doing

Fishhead:You mean hitting the death god I told you I was sorry

Ichigo:(still mad)NOOO NOT THAT! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF TEA AND BISCUITS THIS IS NOT BRITAIN!

Fishhead:Sorry I will share some with you too so dont worry

Ichigo kickes Fishhead in the head. Fishhead goes flying. Fishhead gets back up and screams.

Fishhead:(angry)NOW I'M MAD!(attacks Ichigo)

Rukia suddenly gets in the way and slashes its mouth with a katana. Fishhead screams and falls back.

Ichigo:WOW where did you get that sword!

Rukia:SHUT UP YOU FOOL! I'm wounded I can't stop this hollow so I'll lend you some of my power

Ichigo:COOL GIMME GIMME!

Rukia:Stand still I will thrust this sword into your heart

Ichigo:WHAT! NO WAY DUDE! Are you trying to kill me!

Rukia:Quickly or we'll both die

Ichigo:NO WAY!

They struggle until Rukia thrusts the sword into Ichigo's ass by mistake.

Ichigo:(screams extremely loud)YEEEOOOOUUUCCCCHHHHH!

Rukia:(sweardrop)Oooopppss! Sorry! (Takes it out quickly and thrusts it in his heart)

Power flows into Ichigo and now he is wearing the same robes as Rukia. He also has a katana which is HUGE!(As I cannot show you an image as to how large it is I will give some of its description it's nearly 15 mm!).

Ichigo:(holds his ass)My ass hurts

Rukia:Quit you whining it was your fault and why is your sword so small?

Ichigo:(Looks at his tiny katana)Hey whats this

Fishhead has gotten back up and looks angry.

Fishhead:(does the weird hollow scream)Now I'll turn you into biscuits

Fishhead gets closer and there is bottle on his path and he nearly steps on it.

Ichigo:(looks really really mad)Hey stop you'll crush that bottle!(Ichigo moves at light speed and cuts the leg off Fishhead with his toothpick sized sword)

Fishhead:(screams again)Ahhhh! MY LEG! Why did you do that?

Ichigo:(looks serious)You almost crushed that bottle! As long as live I will not allow innocent bottles to be hurt!

Fishhead:WHAT! You'll protect bottles!

Ichigo:Yes and I'll also protect strawberries!

Fishhead:Your'e insane I'm going home to drink tea an-

Ichigo:(looks angry)BASTARD! First you try to harm bottles and now you speak of tea again DIE!

Fishhead:I do say I'm really sor-(Is cut in half by Ichigo's ridiculously tiny sword)

Fishhead: BISCUITSSSSSSSSSSS!(says this as he disappears)

THIS IT IS WRITTEN AT THE END FOR SOME REASON!

Kurosaki Ichigo/15 years old

Hair color/Bleached

Eye color/Muddy

Occupation/Village idiot and also

**ASSHOLE!**

**I MEAN DEATH GOD!**

**End of Chapter 2:**  
In the next chapter more FOOLISHNESS!


	3. A FOOLISH Murder

**Disclaimer:**  
I do not own Bleach or any characters form Bleach. They belong to Tite Kubo. Also Dracula belongs to Bram Stoker (who is deceased :( ) .

**Chapter 3:A FOOLISH Murder**

Previously on this FOOLISH story Ichigo had become a death god and cut Fishhead in half. It is 5 am and Ichigo's strawberry shaped alarm clock rings. Ichigo wakes up and stops it.

Ichigo:(yawns)Oh man stupid alarm clock I was having such a wonderful dream, I was in Bottleland and I was the king there

Ichigo:(shouts)Hey! Slave Isshin bring me my breakfast!(no sound is heard)GET OVER HERE OR ILL KILL YOU!(shouts again)

Ichigo searches the house and there is no sign of the pedo(AKA Isshin).

Ichigo:*thinks*Hmmm I wonder where that fool is. Oh well I'll just fix breakfast myself and go to school

Ichigo eats breakfast and goes to school. As he enter his school most people avoid him because they know he is insane. A stupid looking guy with stupid looking long brown hair comes to Ichigo and greets him.

Stupid boy:Hey Ichigo how are you man!

Ichigo:(punches him)I don't feel too good Keigo

Kiego(has a black eye):(cries)Hey why did you hit me?

Ichigo:Didn't I tell you I don't feel too good

Keigo:Hmm thats a pretty good reason, did you see what was on the news this morning?

Ichigo:No, what was on the news idiot?

Keigo:A pedo wearing a pink dress was found dead on the street

Ichigo:(looks shocked)WHAT!

Keigo:Yeah it was weird and he had died due to blood loss

Ichigo:(still shocked)How did he lose his blood?

Keigo:Well they say a vampire sucked his blood

Ichigo:WHAT! Vampire?

Keigo:Yeah he had two holes in his neck

Ichigo:(looks calm)Hmmm looks like I'm an orphan now

Kiego:HUH! why?

Ichigo:Because last night I told my stupid father to wear a pink dress and dance all night long

Kiego:You mean that the pedo was your father

Ichigo:(shrugs)Probably

Keigo:Why are you so calm then

Ichigo:I never liked him anyway but now I need some money to pay for my bills

Keigo:Hmmm yes your right I guess

Ichigo(thinks for a while)Hey I know you can pay my bills

Kiego:What?

Ichigo:(grabs him by the collar)PAY FOR THEM OR ILL TEAR YOU IN HALF!

Keigo:(looks petrified)Okay but please don't kill me

Ichigo:(lets him go)Alright but you better bring me the money right now!

Keigo:Now? but schools about to start

Ichigo:GO GET THE MONEY RIGHT NOW OR ELSE!

Keigo:YES SIR! How much do you want?

Ichigo:About 100000000 yen

Keigo:What? The bill can't be this big

Ichigo:IT IS! Now bring me the money right now!

Keigo:Okay(runs to his house)

Ichigo goes to class after making sure Keigo went home to get the money. When he enters his class he sees Rukia.

Rukia:(in a cheery voice)Hello Ichigo how are you?

Ichigo:(looks shocked)Hey! Aren't you supposed to be dead?

Rukia:What! I didn't die you idiot

Random boy 1:*whisper*Hey that girl is talking to that maniac Ichigo

Random boy 2:*whisper*Yeah dude she must be crazy

Ichigo:Come with me!

Rukia:What?

Ichigo drags her outside. Rukia explains to him that he has drained to much of her power and she is weakened right now and she is using a false body or something.

Ichigo:So when are you going to return to normal

Rukia:I don't know but in the meantime you will do my job

Ichigo:You mean be a death god and tear the souls out of people? cool!

Rukia:No! You must protect people from hollows

Ichigo:No way I'm not fighting another stupid hollow!

Rukia:You must I saved your life!

Ichigo:Nobody asked you too

Rukia:If you don't stop the hollows people will die

Ichigo:So?

Rukia:(looks really mad)ARRRGGG! Okay I'll pay you back somehow

Ichigo:Hmmm okay but first I must stop the vampire that killed my slave

Rukia:(looks confused)What! Slave?

Ichigo:You know my father

Rukia:How do you know he was killed by a vampire?

Ichigo:Well it couldn't have been Santa Claus since it's July and he had bite marks on his neck

Rukia:Really?

Ichigo:Yes really lets go investigate but I have same business first, wait here

Ichigo goes to his class and finds Keigo.

Ichigo:(punches him)Did bring the money you idiot and what took you so long!

Keigo(now with two black eyes):(crying)Yes here it is and I got here a long time ago

Ichigo:Why didn't you come to me then?

Keigo:(cowering)I didn't know where you were

Ichigo:WHY DIDN'T YOU KNOW WHERE I WAS!

Keigo:(crying again)NO SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

Ichigo:Okay but this better not happen again!

Keigo:(looks relieved)Yes it won't

Ichigo:Yes now give me the money

Keigo hands him the money

Ichigo:(counts the money)WHAT! This is only 99999999.99999999 yen! DO YOU TAKE ME FOR A FOOL?

Keigo:(looks really scared)Sorry I must have miscalculated and its only less by a small amount

Ichigo:(turns red)SMALL AMOUNT! You greedy son of a bitch you tried to trick me didn't you!

Keigo:(looks like he's about to piss his pants)NO!NO! I would never try to trick you and besides how could an idiot like me fool a genius like you?

Ichigo:(calms down)Hmmm you're right about that, okay I'll forgive you this time but if you make another mistake I will rip off your head understand!

Keigo:(bows)Yes great one I will make no more mistakes

Ichigo:You may go back to class now but before you do kiss my feet

So Kiego kisses the feet of Ichigo and after that he goes to class. Ichigo goes back outside to Rukia.

Rukia:What were you doing?

Ichigo:Nothing important, now we must find the vampire!

Rukia:I still don't believe a vampire killed him but we should go to where he was killed

Ichigo:He was dancing on the street a little further away from my house lets go there

Rukia:So lets go there

Ichigo:But first we must be prepared!

Ichigo goes somewhere. When he comes back he is dressed like Sherlock Holmes and has a pipe in his mouth.

Rukia:Why are you dressed like that?

Ichigo:Didn't I tell you we must be prepared to face the vampire!

Rukia:How is wearing those clothes going to help?

Ichigo:Wearing them improves my already impressive detective skills

Rukia:How do you know that?

Ichigo:Elementary, my dear Watson

Rukia:My name's not Watson and do you even know what elementary means?

Ichigo:Of course I do! It means ummmmm uhhhhhh...

Rukia:Forget it lets go to the street

And so Ichigo and Rukia go to the scene of the crime!

Rukia:There's nothing here but a weird drawing of a man

Ichigo:The police always draw white lines around the victim of a crime

Rukia:Why?

Ichigo:I don't know maybe someone in the police is an artist?

Rukia:I highly doubt that

Ichigo:Lets go to the police HQ (runs) Come Watson! The game is afoot!

Rukia:I told you I'm not Watson(runs after him)

And so Ichigo Holmes and Rukia go to the Police HQ.

Police chief:Yes, what do you want?

Ichigo:I would like to ask (blows on his pipe) what happened to the pedo that was killed last night?

Police chief:Oh yes a pedo was found dead on the street, It seems a vampire killed him

Ichigo:What did you do with the body?

Police chief:Well we would have given him a proper funeral but since he was stupid looking we didn't

Ichigo:Then where is the body?

Police chief:It's outside in the trashcan

Ichigo:Is it still there

Police chief:(shrugs)Probably

Ichigo:Let's go Watson

Rukia:I AM NOT WATSON!

They go outside and see an ugly smelly thing shaped like a human (AKA Isshin) in the trashcan.

Ichigo:Hey dad! You've never looked this good before (Ichigo says to Isshin's lifeless and hideous body)

Rukia:Ichigo look there are bite marks on his neck

Ichigo:See I told you it was vampire

Rukia:Hmmmm this is very strange

Ichigo:(looking at Isshin's disgusting neck)AHA! now I know who killed him!

Rukia:(looks confused)HUH? How do you know that?

Ichigo:Clearly by looking at his neck I can tell it was him!

Rukia:Who was it?

Ichigo:(looking around)I know you did it! Come out DRACULA!

A man who is wearing a cloak and has sharp teeth comes out of the shadows.

Dracula:HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS ME? BLEH?

Ichigo:Look below where you bit him

On Isshin's dirty neck below where the bite marks are it is signed "Dracula".

Dracula:Oh yeah shouldn't have done that bleh

Ichigo:You were careless Dracula and now you will pay for your crimes!

Dracula:No wait bleh I only took a little bite bleh(he backs away)

Ichigo:No you must DIE!

Dracula:You'll never take me alive bleh(turns into a bat and flies aways)

Ichigo:Come Watson we must stop him!(follows the bat)

Rukia is too shocked to move due to the crazy things happening.

Ichigo:(hits her on the head)Wake up! This is no time to take a nap! he's getting away!

Rukia:(snaps out of it)Huh? What's going on?

And so Ichigo Holmes and Rukia give chase to Dracula in bat form.

To be continued...

**End of Chapter 3:**  
Why did Dracula kill Isshin?, why is Ichigo dressed like Sherlock Holmes?, and why did Keigo give Ichigo 99999999.99999999 yen? Find out in the next chapter of The FOOLISH adventures of Ichigo and Dracula.


	4. The FOOLISH Bloodsucker

**Disclaimer:**  
I do not own Bleach or any characters form Bleach. They belong to Tite Kubo. Also Dracula belongs to Bram Stoker (who is deceased :( ) .

**Chapter 4:The FOOLISH Bloodsucker**

On the Previous chapter Ichigo Holmes and Rukia were chasing after the murderer of Ichigo's pedophilic father DRACULA! He had turned into a bat and escaped into a dark alley.

Ichigo:Where did he go?

Rukia:I don't know but I want to know why did he suck your father's blood and kill him?

Ichigo:Probably because of my father being a pedo

Rukia:What's this got to do with being a pedo

Ichigo:I've heard that pedo blood is very tasty

Rukia:Why?

Ichigo:You don't want to know, anyway we should find Dracula and destroy him quickly

Rukia:How are you going to kill him?

Ichigo:I had a healthy breakfast of garloo's and Dracula should be no match for me

Rukia:Garloo's?

Ichigo:Garlic flavored cereal!

Rukia:Why do you eat garlic flavored cereal?

Ichigo:Just in case I have to fight a vampire who sucked my slave's blood and killed him

Rukia:Right, so what do we do now?

Ichigo:I'll use my magic magnifying glass to find some clues

Ichigo takes out his "magic" magnifying glass and starts searching for clues. Suddenly he finds a vampirish footprint.

Ichigo:AHA! I've found a trail

Rukia:Wait a second! Dracula transformed into a bat

Ichigo:Your point being?

Rukia:(mad) HE WAS FLYING!

Ichigo:So?

Rukia:(really mad) YOU IDIOT! HE DID NOT TOUCH THE GROUND!

Ichigo:(finally realizing it)OH! But whose footprints are these then?

Rukia:It doesn't matter! Let's just go further

Ichigo:But I'm sure these are these are Dracula's footprints

Rukia:How are you so sure?

Ichigo:Because these prints are left from leather boots and as you know vampires only wear leather

Rukia:It could have been an ordinary person and Dracula was FLYING! Not walking you FOOL!

As Ichigo is busy being stupid a moronic vampiric figure appears from the shadows.

Dracula(EVUL LAUGH)Bleh heh heh heh heh heh!

Ichigo:DRACULA! Why have chosen to show yourself?

Dracula:Because you are a FOOL! Those are the foot prints of a vampire but they are not mine!

Rukia:Whoose are they then?

Dracula:They are my minions foot prints and you will have to face him in a vampiric wrestling match to get to me!

Ichigo:Bring it on!

Dracula:VERY WELL! Come out minion and destroy this fool!

Suddenly a man with very pale skin and stupid brown hair also appears from the shadows next to Dracula. This stupid man is Edward Cullen from the even stupider novel Twilight.

Edward:You called lover?

Dracula:Yes dear! These bad people are bothering me please get rid of them

Edward:(looking at Ichigo and Rukia)Hey leave my beloved alone or I will kill you!

Ichigo(Shocked)HOLY SHIT! It's that stupid stalker vampire from that movie Toilet Light

Edward:IT'S TWILIGHT!

Ichigo:Yeah whatever, weren't you supposed to be in love with a human girl and not a male vampire?

Edward:(sad)That was a long time ago

Rukia:But why are you in love with Dracula?

Edward:(even sadder)Because Dracula is the only person in this world too truly understand me! Also he's much better looking than Bella!

Ichigo and Rukia both stare at Dracula who is extremely ugly and has unbrushed vampiric teeth!

Ichigo:Hey Dracula are you two really in love?

Dracula:Well, actually I don't really love him and I'm only using him bleh!

Ichigo:Why?

Edward:(In tears)Dracy what are you saying?

Dracula:Edward my love when I say "I don't really love him and I'm only using him" I mean I really like you bleh!

Edward:(Wipes his tears)Really?

Dracula:YES bleh!

Rukia:But why are you using him?

Dracula:Because I needed a minion and I don't have any of those because they all run away because of my foul breath bleh!

Ichigo:How foul?

Dracula blows on Ichigo's face and it melts away due to the foulness.

Ichigo:(With melted face)WOW! That's foul!

Edward:I think it's minty fresh!

Rukia:You use him only because of this?

Dracula:Well, there's also the fact that Edward is a moron and easily manipulated

Edward:(Beigns to cry again)What?

Dracula:When I say you're a moron I actually mean you're smart okay!

Edward:(Happy again)Really?

Dracula:YES bleh!

Ichigo:Okay stop this nonsense and LETS FIGHT!

Suddenly everyone is transported to a wrestling ring and there also a referee in the corner. The whole arena is empty.

Referee:Ladies and gentlemen the moment you've been waiting for in the corner to my left weighing ? pounds the gay vampire Edward Cullen!

Edward:(Vampiric roar)RRRRAAAAAAARRR

Referee: and in the corner to my right weighing 61 kg the crazy shinigami Ichigo Kurosaki!

Ichigo:You're going down you stupid bloodsucker

The bell rings and they both fight.

**End of Chapter 4:**  
In the next chapter (The chapter that will come after this) find out how will Ichigo defeat the crazy vampire EDWARD!

P.S: Edward is shiny


	5. FOOLISHLY Enter the Bitchigo

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own Bleach or any characters form Bleach. They belong to Tite Kubo. Also Dracula and Edward are vampires which I don't own BUT THE REFEREE IS MINE!

**Chapter 5: FOOLISHLY Enter the Bitchigo**

Previously our great hero Ichigo was transported to a wrestling arena to do battle with Edward Dracula's stupid minion.

Ichigo throws away his Sherlock outfit as it is no use to him in battle.

Ichigo:(Arrogantly) Ha! You stupid fool you think you can best me THE GREAT ICHIGO in combat?

Edward:(ArroGAYntly)YES! I CAN EASILY BEAT YOU! The power of my love for Dracula strengthens me and I will use this love to beat you!

Referee:Okay, stop this nonsense and fight already!

Ichigo:Okay!

Edward:Here I come!

Ichigo and Edward both pounce on each other. Ichigo is stronger than Edward and he throws him into the ring ropes. Edward is bounced off the ropes and Ichigo grabs him and hits him with a flying piledriver!

Edward:(In pain)Ouch! My neck!

Ichigo:(Smugly)How does that feel you stupid bloodsucker

Edward:Humph! I will just have to use my magic then!(saying this he takes out a wand(not wang) and points it at Ichigo)Expelliarmus!

Ichigo goes flying and hits the ring corner.

Ichigo:How did you use magic?

Edward:FOOL! Don't you know that I am also known as Cedric Diggory and that I studied in Hogwarts!

Ichigo:WHAT! I thought Cedric died!

Edward:I Just faked my death because I was bored there and that stupid Chinese fool Cho was too Chineseish!

Rukia:Ichigo!(throws Ichigo a sun torch) Use this on him!

Ichigo:Whats this?

Rukia:It's a sun torch, vampires are weak to sunlight and this light should burn him!

Edward:(Scared)NOOOOOO! Please don't use it on me or I will melt!

Ichigo:(Grins)HEHEHEHEEHE! Die vampire!

Ichigo points the torch at the gay vampire and turns it on but just as Ichgio does that Edward takes his shirt off and the light is reflected and it turns into a beam and hits Ichigo with extreme force!

Edward:FABULOUS BEAM OF LIGHT!(Says Edward as the beam hits Ichigo)

Ichigo goes flying into the ring ropes and breaks them and crashes into Rukia.

Edward:(Now shirtless and shining)HAHAHAHAHA! You gullible fools you fell for my trap!

Rukia:Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, My head, Ichigo are you all right?

Ichigo:…(No answer)

Rukia:OH NO! HE appears to be knocked out cold! Why didn't the light burn you? You are a vampire right?

Edward:(Still shirtless and shining with might)Why didn't the light burn me? That is because I a GAY vampire a sub species of vampires that are not affected by sunlight due to fabulousness and instead grow shinier and reflects the light!

Rukia:Ichigo wake up! Quickly!

Edward:It's no use, no one has survived my FABULOUS BEAM OF LIGHT and lived to tell about it

As the fools are talking they hear an incredibly weird laugh from above.

Dracula:Bleh heh heh heh heh heh heh!(Dracula swoops down and lands near Rukia outside the ring)

Rukia:Dracula! Where were you?

Dracula: I was watching from above bleh, Edward my GAY friend you have done well!

Edward:Oh dear! You say the sweetest things!

Dracula:Finish them now bleh!

Edward:With pleasure!

Rukia:OH NO! Now what? My powers haven't recovered and Ichigo is dead!

As Rukia says dead Ichigo stands up, his appearance has drastically change and a hideous aura of bitchiness is surrounds him. He is wearing a witch's hat, his eyes are completely black and he has elf like pointy ears and a crooked witchy and bitchy nose with a bright red mole on it!

Ichigo:(In a even more bitchier voice than usual)=Dead you say? HAHAHAHAHAHA!=

Everyone is surprised due to the miraculous recovery of Ichigo and scared of his witch like appearance and the bitchy aura surrounding him!

Rukia:What?

Edward:Huh?

Referee:What's this?

Dracula:Bleh!

Edward:There's no way you could have survived my FABULOUS BEAM OF LIGHT! Who are you?

Bitchigo:=ME? I am Bitchigo the inner bitchiness of Ichigo that was trapped inside and now I am free!=

Saying this Bitchigo summons his GAINT! 14.443 mm kitana and is now wearing shinigami robes and he jumps into the ring!

Edward:hmmmm I don't know how you survived but you won't survive another FABULOUS BEAM OF LIGHT!(Saying this he grabs the sun torch and point it at his naked shiny chest and a beam of light is fired at Bitchigo!) FABULOUS BEAM OF LIGHT!

Bitchigo quickly cuts through the beam with his MASSIVE Kitana and slices Edward left arm off!

Edward:(In pain)AARRRGGGGGGGHH ! MY ARM!

Bitchigo:(In an eXtremely bitchy tone)=HA! Is that all you got?=

Rukia:*thinks*what's going on? Why does his aura feel like a hollow's?

Dracula:(Shocked)His aura of bitchiness is overpowering bleh!

Edward:(Still in pain)WHY YOU!(Takes out his wang(I mean wand) with his remaining arm and points it at the bitch) DIE!AVADA KEDAVRA!

Bitchigo is hit by the killing curse! But instead of dying nothing happen to him!

Edward:(Shocked)WHAT? Why are you still ALIVE?

Bitchigo:(In mocking bitchy tone)=HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You fool I am a hollow I am already dead!=

Edward:(Frustrated)ARRRRRGGGGGGG! TAKE THIS! SECTUMSEMPRA!

Due to Edward spell invisible slashes attack Bitchigo but he intercepts them all with his HUGE kitana and then slashes Edward's wang(I mean wand) in half and punches him in the face. He goes flying into the ring ropes and becomes entangled with them.

Edward:*groans*oHhh my face

Bitchigo then points his BIG kitana at him from the west and prepare to finish him off!

Bitchigo:=Wicked Bitch of the west!=(The mole on Bitchigo's nose glows bright red and he screams as a bolt of pure bitchy darkness is fired on Edward)

The inner bitchiness of Ichigo attacks Edward and his mind is assaulted by evil and FOOLISH thoughts and he is in eXtreme bitchy pain!

Edward:(In eXtreme pain!)STOP! THESE BITCHY THOUGHTS OF YOURS ARE DESTROYING MY MIND!

Bitchigo:=WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Why should I stop?=

Edward:(Begins to cry)NOOOOOOO! PLEASE STOP! DRACY HELP!

Dracula:(Sounding surprisingly concerned)STOP BLEH STOP!

Bitchigo stops his Wicked Bitch of the west attack but move towards Edward and points his LARGE kitana at him!

Bitchigo:=Okay! It's time for you to die anyway=

Bitchigo is about to stab the GAY vampire wizard but is stopped by both Rukia and Dracula!

Rukia:STOP! Don't kill him!

Dracula:Don't kill him bleh!

Bitchigo:=Hey! Let go of me=(he says as he tries to push them off)

Rukia:*Thinks*what do I do to stop him?

As they are all struggling the referee screams!

Referee:WAIT! Ichigo you are not yourself (He takes out something) here take a look at this and remember who you are!

**End of Chapter 4:**  
What's going on? Why has Ichigo turned into a witch like bitchy creature? Why is Dracula worried for Edwards's sake? And what has the referee taken out and who is he really? Find out in the next chapter of The FOOLISH adventures of Ichigo and Dracula!

P.S: Bitchigo's Bitchiness is over 9000!


End file.
